Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
