Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
