you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
