i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
