The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
