shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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