I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
