I showed him my bush... on skype.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
