My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
