you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
