yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
