You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
