The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
