I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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