I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
