I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
