I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
