He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
