It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Never joke about your clitoris.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
