my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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