I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
