So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
