did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When are your genitals available?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
