And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
