I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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