well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
