New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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