Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
