Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We named our party play list daddy issues
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
