after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
