Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Two words: blizzard sex
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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