It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
