I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
