yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
