My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
