So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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