Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
