Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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