I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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