Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
