New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sext me about skeletons
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
