You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
