I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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