tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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