I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
