Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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