what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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