I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
