My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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