she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
