i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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