3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
