When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
