why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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