My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
